Learning the practice of meditation has been a journey. To encounter thoughts that entered into the quiet space in my mind and let them go. To be at peace with my breathing and nothing else.
I have been making a certain kind of progress. Slowly. Little by little.
First there were the negative thoughts: what was going wrong in my life now, what might go wrong next week, and what had gone wrong ten years ago. I had to let them go.
Then there were the good ideas. While sitting in my quiet place I thought of story twists, blog posts, the solution to the problem at work, the name of that guy who was in that movie with the other guy. Creativity thrives in silence. But no, not this silence. This silence is dedicated only to being silent. I had to let the thoughts go.
And then the music crept in. I could dismiss the other thoughts, but I could not let go of the songs.
In time I realized that every song has a tonic, a base note, and that I could hold onto it and clear space for the emptiness again.
Be Bop A Lulaaaaaaa…ommmmmm.
Lastly there were the dogs. And the cat. Whenever I began to meditate, they came over to see what was going on.
I was letting go of desires.
They wanted to be petted.
I was focused on my breathing.
They were focused on eating and how I could help them with that.
They wanted to lean on me.
I wanted them to lie down and be quiet.
I had Om…
So did they: OMMMMMM.
I started by trying to make my Om louder than theirs. I’M…MEDITATING.
It didn’t work.
Now I am trying to make my Om quieter and clearer. Just Om.
I can let everything go. Om…
Then there’s my wife in my mind saying , “Good luck with that.”
Just Om, honey. Just Om.
Then silence again.